My new blog. See y’all thurr.

I’m as tired as I look, kids.

Have a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving. Remember, what you’re Thankful for.

Yes, as I’ve mentioned, I’m buying a new domain. Keep posted kids. I should have it ready in a few weeks, and you should definitely check back for the link. I’m excited about this, but I’m extremely slow, so it’ll take me forever!

…The list goes on…

I personally prefer the brunette. A lot of others agree with me. My Mother prefers my natural blonde.

At the end of 2008, through May of 2009, I was a combination of both. I decided to experiment with two-toning – my base colour being brunette, bleaching the under layer blonde. This look was obviously temporary.

As much as it was loved, it just became too high maintenance, so it was back to one solid colour.

Which look suits me?

So, tonight, my best frand Aly and I were being a bunch of fools, and recorded a bunch of videos on my Flip Mino HD. This is what happens when you don’t sleep. I wasn’t drunk, nor high. This is just me, when I’m really happy, hyper, etc. I become really spontaneous.

I totally slammed my head in the wall TWICE. LOL. Oops.

Everyone hates when I do this. Bad habit.

This is just me, showing off.

LYKE OMGAWD TOTALLY

Awesome night this was. Old school video games, laughing, food. Needs to happen more often with the people I adore!

I’ve had a complicated time. I feel like I’m trapped, stuck on a roller coaster that keeps spinning in circles, taking twists, and turns that I can’t control. I get depressed for reasons I’m not sure of. One minute I’m happy, then I feel the urge to cry about something. I’m starting to think, maybe it’s not really anything I can control, and my birth ailment could have a big part in it.

I was born with an endocrine system disorder, “hypothyrodism” – a hormone deficiency. Since, I suck at explaining things, I’ll just plagiarize copy and paste from Wikipedia.

Hypothyroidism is the disease state in humans and in animals caused by insufficient production of thyroid hormone by the thyroid gland.

So, basically. We all (except me) have this gland in our throats called the “thyroid gland”, which plays a big part in how our bodies work. Eh, fudge it. More plagiarizing.

The thyroid is one of the largest endocrine glands in the body. This gland is found in the neck inferior to (below) the thyroid cartilage (also known as the Adam’s apple in men) and at approximately the same level as the cricoid cartilage. The thyroid controls how quickly the body burns energy, makes proteins, and controls how sensitive the body should be to other hormones.
The thyroid participates in these processes by producing thyroid hormones, principally thyroxine (T4) and triiodothyronine (T3). These hormones regulate the rate of metabolism and affect the growth and rate of function of many other systems in the body. Iodine and tyrosine are used to form both T3 and T4. The thyroid also produces the hormone calcitonin, which plays a role in calcium homeostasis.
The thyroid is controlled by the hypothalamus and pituitary. The gland gets its name from the Greek word for “shield”, after the shape of the related thyroid cartilage. Hyperthyroidism (overactive thyroid) and hypothyroidism (underactive thyroid) are the most common problems of the thyroid gland.

I have an extremely unique (rare) case of it. Even my doctors are shocked. Like I’ve mentioned before (a little), this thyroid that is being mentioned. In my case, what thyroid? I don’t even have one! I was born without one. See, aren’t I special?

Here’s a list of symptoms of hypothyroidism. I’ll check off the ones I experience the most throughout my everyday life.

weight gain, difficulty losing weight [√]
depression and depressed mood [√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√√]
moodiness, irritability [√√√√√√√√√]
joint and muscle pain, headaches [√]
dry skin, brittle nails [√]
brittle hair, itchy scalp, hair loss [√]
irregular periods, PMS symptoms [√]
breast milk formation [ ? ]
calcium metabolism difficulties [ ? ]
difficulty tolerating cold and lower body temperature [√]
constipation [√]
sleeping more than average, fatigue, feeling slowed down, always feeling tired [√√√√√√√√√]
diminished sex drive [ ? ]
puffiness in face and extremities [ ? ]
hoarseness [√]
bruising/clotting problems [√]
elevated levels of LDL (the “bad” cholesterol) and heightened risk of heart disease [??]
allergies that suddenly appear or get worse [√]
persistent cold sores, boils, or breakouts [√]
tingling sensation in wrists and hands that mimics carpal tunnel syndrome [√]
memory loss, fuzzy thinking, difficulty following conversation or train of thought [√]
slowness or slurring of speech [√]

Yes, close to them all.

This is why I’m frustrated with myself, and why others get so mad at me all the time for fucking up, when most of the time, I can’t help the way I am.

So, I think it’s about time that I stop playing doctor with myself, and go see a real one. Too bad December 16th is so far down the road. Damn overpriced specialists who have no time for you – even though you pay them enough! And, for playing the waiting game, they BETTER help me, or I’ll blow their fucking heads off (see what I mean?).

So, now you know a little more about why my life sucks. 1 in every 4000 newborns, and that 1 had to be me. I wake up every day, and take that one pill that makes a difference in life or death. Sometimes, I wonder, “Why bother?”, and “Why can’t I normal?“. I would have loved to be one of those people who doesn’t have to rely on medication to keep me alive, not have any health problems, or worries, and live that happy, worry-free life that everyone deserves.

Perhaps, I’m being a little melodramatic about this? There’s people out there with no limbs, cancer, struggling to survive – a lot worse then what I have.

I need to snap out of it. – There, a lecture to myself. I feel like I’m dead. I haven’t felt alive in years. I need my life back!

It’s a pretty big transition going from having your own “home” on the web – being self-hosted, having your own domain for so long, back to the simple things again. I’ve had a web site, since I was a teen (early 2000′s). I’m approaching my mid 20′s, so I feel that I’ve grown out of the personal website fad. I’m done with the complicated coding, spending days on designs that I end up hating, etc. It’s not worth it to me anymore. However, I wasn’t ready to give up blogging. That’s all I ever used my personal site for, a blog. I felt too obligated to make it look pretty. Could have saved up so much money (spent way too much on hosting, and domains) over these years, but instead, I wanted to be “the cool kid”, and have my own spot on the web. Those were the days. *nostalgic sigh*

I’m starting a new chapter in my life. Maybe, down the road again, I’ll have second thoughts about the domain thing. But for now, I’m a happy camper on WordPress.com. I could marry WordPress. It’s an awesome CMS, and I’ve been using it for a few years – while I was self hosted. I’ll need to get used to the restrictions, but it’s all gravy. This is me. I’m going to write what’s on my mind, whenever I want, say whatever I want. I don’t really care about grammar, nor spelling. I don’t have time for that anymore. I’m just going to let my brain control my fingers. I’m an outspoken individual. I talk trash. I won’t refrain from holding back my opinion. You may see some things you don’t like. Nothing is going to stop me. I’ll talk about my life, rant, rave, post photos, videos, and all of that awesome stuff, kay?

Perhaps, you may already know me. Obviously, if you were redirected from ShadesOfMe.org, and Twitter (link is on sidebar if you wish to follow me – I follow back), you do. If not, well – take a look around. Get to know the real me.

Feels like it’s been so long, since I’ve properly blogged. It’s only been a month, but that seems like a lifetime. Life has been extremely eventful, a roller coaster ride full of twists, turns, ups, and downs. I have so much to catch up on. But, there’s only 24 hours in a day.

A very Happy 23rd Birthday to my bestest frand ever, Dan. I adore this guy more then a kid loves chocolate cake with triple layer frosting. He’s truly one of a kind, I’ve been blessed and so honored to have him in my life. Without him, I doubt I’d still be here. We don’t get to see each other as much as we like – since we live literally across the world from each other, I’m in America, he’s an Aussie. We’re stuck together like gum on the bottom of a shoe. We can finish each others sentences, read each others minds. It’s this cosmic thing. We have this connection. It’s awesome. Makes us smile.

Dan and I – during my trip to Australia in November 2007.

Keep in mind, I’m far from being complete. I’ll be tweaking, and adding some new things.

Thank you for stopping by. I’m excited about the new journey. It feels so good to have a new, fresh start.